June and I have been chatting. We think that new people to our blogs may need a summary of what's going on and what they can do to help. We need help. Read as much of my blog and June's blog (http://junehaversham.wordpress.com ) as you can. There may be clues we haven't spotted.
In a nutshell, someone has been pretending to be Jasper Fforde calling himself Jasper Ffforde (note the triple f). He seems to have bookjumped with Miss Havisham into our world and then escaped. He told her they would get married but she can't remember his name. (Why can't she remember?) He put the wrong answer for question 11, and asked for these scribbling tiebreakers. It seems as if he is using these and material from classic books he's sucked blank to make a book, which he is launching on 7th July. We need to stop him.
Everything is building to this date, the 7th of July. Swindon. If you can be there, great. If you can't, can you send someone in your place to the book launch of the mysterious Jasper Ffforde.
The classic books he has blanked so far are a cheap edition called Dupine. There are only certain places that stock them. We need to find them all and see if there are any clues inside them.
And, strange as it seems, Miss Havisham advises that we must keep sending in scribbles as per the competition. If we have our words in the enemy's book, it may help...
And we must find out who this Ffforde is really.
Any theories, speculations or ideas you have, please send them in. We'll post them here.
And please help with all these things. Literature depends on us.
ps
The competition still goes ahead as usual with prizes. As long as we stop Ffforde!
Saturday, 7 July 2007
Wow - looks like you've done really well with the characters - Miss H is up
working on the footnoterphone system. She has her fingers in the BT socket
with a roll of gardening wire and pages from my books. I am very worried.
She says there's no way of knowing if you've got them absolutely right until
you actually speak to them. Make sure you bring the list with you.
She says the lockword rings a bell, but her mind is still all confused. She
thinks we might need to find whoever did this to her and find out what they
did to Jasper's memory as well.
Right - I shall see you all tomorrow. Try to be on time so we all know
exactly what this evil impostor is up to.
I must go, there's smoke coming from the socket
Amy
working on the footnoterphone system. She has her fingers in the BT socket
with a roll of gardening wire and pages from my books. I am very worried.
She says there's no way of knowing if you've got them absolutely right until
you actually speak to them. Make sure you bring the list with you.
She says the lockword rings a bell, but her mind is still all confused. She
thinks we might need to find whoever did this to her and find out what they
did to Jasper's memory as well.
Right - I shall see you all tomorrow. Try to be on time so we all know
exactly what this evil impostor is up to.
I must go, there's smoke coming from the socket
Amy
Friday, 6 July 2007
I have had a plate of sardines and cream sitting at my window all day. And although he took longer than I thought but sure enough, his lumpen paw has just been padding away at the glass. It's amazing what greed can tease out of a tom cat, well, one clue extension...
He said he noticed that the woman's mate smells of ink and bits of
parchment as well. Their house is in quite a busy small town and several
nice smelling young ladies often visit - one of whom strokes him, which he suffers to show willing.
Miss Havisham is much more enamoured than I am with the cat. She thinks that the only thing he really really hates are dogs. Must be why he took enormous pleasure in regaling us with tales of prowess and his relish in beating to a pulp the fierciest dogs on the block. He's a right little brusier.
(NB Thank you to the person who sent an email update - very helpful indeed. Does this shed any more light for you?)
He said he noticed that the woman's mate smells of ink and bits of
parchment as well. Their house is in quite a busy small town and several
nice smelling young ladies often visit - one of whom strokes him, which he suffers to show willing.
Miss Havisham is much more enamoured than I am with the cat. She thinks that the only thing he really really hates are dogs. Must be why he took enormous pleasure in regaling us with tales of prowess and his relish in beating to a pulp the fierciest dogs on the block. He's a right little brusier.
(NB Thank you to the person who sent an email update - very helpful indeed. Does this shed any more light for you?)
Thursday, 5 July 2007
We managed to track down the alley cat (and by that I mean he's a surly little bas***d) to interrogate him for more information the minor characters.
However, information wasn't easily revealed. The problem is that - being a cat - he actually doesn't really understand how us humans relay information. He is frustratingly preoccupied with smells and sounds and doesn't give a hoot for names. And so it was hard for him to understand what Miss Havisham was asking (which perhaps isn't entirely his fault).
Nonetheless, he promised me that he would do his best. He then looked meaningfully at me until I gave him some cream. (Little hustler). Anyway. Here's what we got:
This minor character smells of roses. And paint. And fear. The cat says he argues and complains a lot.
The cat says that this girl is quite young. He also says she is stupid, but then he says that about most humans. She weeps a lot and her hair smells of apple blossom. He thinks she has been left by someone, but since he also leaves all the females he’s ever known he can’t see what she’s making such a fuss about. Cats don’t go in for pictures much, but when Miss Havisham bribed him with my salmon steak, he said if he had to portray her it would be with a face as white as jasmine.
The cat hates this minor character so much he won’t speak of him. Except to say rather smugly that he made him whine, which apparently only a man who kicked him used to be able to do.
The cat doesn’t like this woman. She smells of disinfectant, but also of sickness. She is not a sympathetic person, he thinks – unlikely to give a hard-working cat any milk. This was clearly a hint and Miss H handed over some milk. Almost monstrous, he said as he cleaned his whiskers (at least Miss H said that’s what he said)
The cat likes this woman. Others he thinks are rather prejudiced against her, but he can’t think why – there are lots of parties in her house which means he gets to eat scraps in the kitchen – although he doesn’t like the soldiers who turn up there.
The cat isn’t interested in this young man. Everything in that particular book exhausts the cat. He’s not much of a one for talking (I would never have guessed) and he says the whole scene makes him feverish. There’s lots of weeping and rushing about. The young man’s father, he says, may be an ensign, but he has never worked out what happens because a) he’s not interested and b) everyone digresses so much.
I hope that these help!
Only one day to go!
However, information wasn't easily revealed. The problem is that - being a cat - he actually doesn't really understand how us humans relay information. He is frustratingly preoccupied with smells and sounds and doesn't give a hoot for names. And so it was hard for him to understand what Miss Havisham was asking (which perhaps isn't entirely his fault).
Nonetheless, he promised me that he would do his best. He then looked meaningfully at me until I gave him some cream. (Little hustler). Anyway. Here's what we got:
This minor character smells of roses. And paint. And fear. The cat says he argues and complains a lot.
The cat says that this girl is quite young. He also says she is stupid, but then he says that about most humans. She weeps a lot and her hair smells of apple blossom. He thinks she has been left by someone, but since he also leaves all the females he’s ever known he can’t see what she’s making such a fuss about. Cats don’t go in for pictures much, but when Miss Havisham bribed him with my salmon steak, he said if he had to portray her it would be with a face as white as jasmine.
The cat hates this minor character so much he won’t speak of him. Except to say rather smugly that he made him whine, which apparently only a man who kicked him used to be able to do.
The cat doesn’t like this woman. She smells of disinfectant, but also of sickness. She is not a sympathetic person, he thinks – unlikely to give a hard-working cat any milk. This was clearly a hint and Miss H handed over some milk. Almost monstrous, he said as he cleaned his whiskers (at least Miss H said that’s what he said)
The cat likes this woman. Others he thinks are rather prejudiced against her, but he can’t think why – there are lots of parties in her house which means he gets to eat scraps in the kitchen – although he doesn’t like the soldiers who turn up there.
The cat isn’t interested in this young man. Everything in that particular book exhausts the cat. He’s not much of a one for talking (I would never have guessed) and he says the whole scene makes him feverish. There’s lots of weeping and rushing about. The young man’s father, he says, may be an ensign, but he has never worked out what happens because a) he’s not interested and b) everyone digresses so much.
I hope that these help!
Only one day to go!
To: Writers of scribblers
Intrepid detectives and guardians of literature
Friends, family and loved ones of the above.
Date: 7 July 2007
Time: 1pm
Place: New Bridge Square, SN1 1EA (Ffforde’s launch pad)
Why: To stop the fake Jasper Ffforde bringing about the demise of literature as we know it.
Mission:
- Keep doing what you’re doing – you’re doing brilliantly.
- We need to continue the hunt for the Dupine books and find the minor characters. Miss Havisham is trying to find the cat again to get him to name names.
- We also need to find this ‘place’ that the real Jasper talked about so we can see if there is anything to be seen via bookcam. I’m sure it’s written down in the new book (but it must have been added since the proof stage and it’s definitely not the troublesome footnotes, that seems to have been a coincidence.)
What to bring on Saturday: 1. An intrepid mind
2. Comfortable shoes
3. Your scribbles (Miss Havisham is insistent these hold the key.)
4. If you’ve not written a scribbler, don’t worry, the more people we have, the better. Or write one before you arrive.
5. Wrist bands. So that I know who you are. And they’re excellent wrist bands. (See below)
Contact: 07857 813406 (My mobile number. If you have any problems on Saturday – call me – and I will direct you.)
In short: Miss Havisham and I very much look forward to meeting you all. We cannot fail.
RSVP - let me know if you can make it!
Intrepid detectives and guardians of literature
Friends, family and loved ones of the above.
Date: 7 July 2007
Time: 1pm
Place: New Bridge Square, SN1 1EA (Ffforde’s launch pad)
Why: To stop the fake Jasper Ffforde bringing about the demise of literature as we know it.
Mission:
- Keep doing what you’re doing – you’re doing brilliantly.
- We need to continue the hunt for the Dupine books and find the minor characters. Miss Havisham is trying to find the cat again to get him to name names.
- We also need to find this ‘place’ that the real Jasper talked about so we can see if there is anything to be seen via bookcam. I’m sure it’s written down in the new book (but it must have been added since the proof stage and it’s definitely not the troublesome footnotes, that seems to have been a coincidence.)
What to bring on Saturday: 1. An intrepid mind
2. Comfortable shoes
3. Your scribbles (Miss Havisham is insistent these hold the key.)
4. If you’ve not written a scribbler, don’t worry, the more people we have, the better. Or write one before you arrive.
5. Wrist bands. So that I know who you are. And they’re excellent wrist bands. (See below)
Contact: 07857 813406 (My mobile number. If you have any problems on Saturday – call me – and I will direct you.)
In short: Miss Havisham and I very much look forward to meeting you all. We cannot fail.
RSVP - let me know if you can make it!
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
I have just found this on my bed. And I feel kind of terrible.
Dear, poor Miss Havisham 27. Perhaps I've been a little hard on her, a little churlish. Scratch the crusty battleaxe veneer and look what is left; a fragile, hurt and betrayed bride who's not even the bride she thought she was. I have, of course, 'forgiven her' and just hope that she will come back. I need her help. Between us we will draw up an action plan to effect the demise of this dastardly Ffforde.
Until then, keep your eyes peeled for directions.
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
Ok so the caffine has kept me awake a while. And as another twist to my weird, wired state, the following event has just taken place! And I don’t know. It’s all strange.
In fact, I would like say that my life doesn’t feel at all normal anymore. Where are the days where I’d just go to work, read books and drink tea? Gone.
So. After my last post, unable to sleep, I joined you know who in the living room. (I wonder if she sleeps at all? I’ve never seen it.) (And in fact I just have to get something off my chest: she makes me sit on a kitchen chair – in my own living room – because she insists she needs the whole sofa. And I comply. Why? In my house? I’m a mug.) Anyway, while I was sitting there, brimming with caffine and feeling kind of passively enraged, there was a tapping at the window.
Outside was an enormous black cat, (SEE PICTURE – psycho eyes, eh?) with a torn ear. Not the most salubrious of felines and I tried to shoo him away. But Miss H suddenly leapt up (which confirms that the rheumatism she complains of unless I make her cups of tea may not be quite as severe as she claims) and ran over to the window. The next thing they are both sat on the sofa with the cat staring intently at her and Miss H even lifted her veil to reveal her face; not something she does often (Thankfully. Ahem). I asked what was going on, but Miss H just asked why my governesses hadn’t taught me it was rude to interrupt. (That thing I said in my last post about affection for her – I was tired and vulnerable and didn’t mean it. I’ve got my wits about me now.)
Forty minutes later after the cat had eaten the grilled chicken I was
planning to have for lunch tomorrow and it had drunk the last of the milk, Miss H deigned to explain. This, more or less, is what she said.
When the Ffforde (whoever he is) is stripping the books, he focuses on the most important scenes and characters first. This means sometimes a minor character can sometimes get away from him and not get reduced to text. There will be traces of these characters left in the book. They know something about the fake Fforde. Something about a key, Miss H said? She rolled her eyes when I asked what she meant and told me to use my mind and ‘think girl’!
Apparently these characters are all so terrified of him coming back to destroy them if he twigs they could be a danger to him, that they¹ve gone into hiding in fiction. They will only agree to talk over the footnoterphone. Miss H says she can think of a way to get this routed to phone boxes. As long as we do it at the last minute, the fake Fforde won¹t be able to trace them until it¹s too late. The cat (a precocious bastard) says he¹s not afraid of anyone. As some kind of proof of this he shredded my favourite cushion.
Anyway, the upshot is that Miss H thinks we need to find out who the
characters are and then what they know. I¹ve worked out where the cat is from, of course, and I¹m looking through the books we found in Foyles. There are some other odd words apart from those nasty little rhymes. Anyone got any ideas? I don’t know. Talking cats. What next?
In fact, I would like say that my life doesn’t feel at all normal anymore. Where are the days where I’d just go to work, read books and drink tea? Gone.
So. After my last post, unable to sleep, I joined you know who in the living room. (I wonder if she sleeps at all? I’ve never seen it.) (And in fact I just have to get something off my chest: she makes me sit on a kitchen chair – in my own living room – because she insists she needs the whole sofa. And I comply. Why? In my house? I’m a mug.) Anyway, while I was sitting there, brimming with caffine and feeling kind of passively enraged, there was a tapping at the window.
Outside was an enormous black cat, (SEE PICTURE – psycho eyes, eh?) with a torn ear. Not the most salubrious of felines and I tried to shoo him away. But Miss H suddenly leapt up (which confirms that the rheumatism she complains of unless I make her cups of tea may not be quite as severe as she claims) and ran over to the window. The next thing they are both sat on the sofa with the cat staring intently at her and Miss H even lifted her veil to reveal her face; not something she does often (Thankfully. Ahem). I asked what was going on, but Miss H just asked why my governesses hadn’t taught me it was rude to interrupt. (That thing I said in my last post about affection for her – I was tired and vulnerable and didn’t mean it. I’ve got my wits about me now.)
Forty minutes later after the cat had eaten the grilled chicken I was
planning to have for lunch tomorrow and it had drunk the last of the milk, Miss H deigned to explain. This, more or less, is what she said.
When the Ffforde (whoever he is) is stripping the books, he focuses on the most important scenes and characters first. This means sometimes a minor character can sometimes get away from him and not get reduced to text. There will be traces of these characters left in the book. They know something about the fake Fforde. Something about a key, Miss H said? She rolled her eyes when I asked what she meant and told me to use my mind and ‘think girl’!
Apparently these characters are all so terrified of him coming back to destroy them if he twigs they could be a danger to him, that they¹ve gone into hiding in fiction. They will only agree to talk over the footnoterphone. Miss H says she can think of a way to get this routed to phone boxes. As long as we do it at the last minute, the fake Fforde won¹t be able to trace them until it¹s too late. The cat (a precocious bastard) says he¹s not afraid of anyone. As some kind of proof of this he shredded my favourite cushion.
Anyway, the upshot is that Miss H thinks we need to find out who the
characters are and then what they know. I¹ve worked out where the cat is from, of course, and I¹m looking through the books we found in Foyles. There are some other odd words apart from those nasty little rhymes. Anyone got any ideas? I don’t know. Talking cats. What next?
Monday, 2 July 2007
I really think red bull is great. It tastes like purple calpol. And it has snapped me out of my blur.
So I have had lots of interesting emails – June and I are thinking of setting up a communal blog in which to put all of your theories – one very interesting. If anyone would object to me putting them up (names omitted) please let me know. Also, I am amazed at how dedicated people have been scouting across the country. I think all books have been found, no? Miss Havisham seems to go into paroxysms of excitement and bossiness with each book-finding report…
Now. I have had something rattling around in my fuzzy head. Let me know what you think. A little while ago, June published a draft of a first chapter of Jasper Fforde’s book that, in the end, never got published. This chapter was entitled Miss Havisham. Did you read it? It’s on her blog.
Ok. As far as I can tell – as a Fforde newcomer – it seems he was writing about an MH long descended from the original old hag of Great Expectations. Like the 27th (!) Miss Havisham. (And I'm too afraid to ask her in case she hits me or something.)
And if so, is this the Havisham I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with? Am I an acquaintance of Miss Havisham 27? The one I know is certainly reminiscent Dickens’ ‘witch of the place’ but then she seems younger and not nearly as cogent as an old timer. And apparently the MH was an accomplished book jumper whereas my MH seemed as boggled as me that she’d managed to pull the bookjump off. In fact, her startled and downright irascible quirks have all the marks of a novice to me (Afterall, id this is the case, she’s had one teaser chapter in which to practise). Plus. I’ve been told that the MH died in a car crash. Didn’t she? Is this the 27th Havisham? What do you all think?
Also, having been discarded from First Among Sequels is that why no-one misses her?
I hate to admit it but I am starting to feel some affection for this petulant and downright annoying virago…
Have you thoughts on my thoughts?
So I have had lots of interesting emails – June and I are thinking of setting up a communal blog in which to put all of your theories – one very interesting. If anyone would object to me putting them up (names omitted) please let me know. Also, I am amazed at how dedicated people have been scouting across the country. I think all books have been found, no? Miss Havisham seems to go into paroxysms of excitement and bossiness with each book-finding report…
Now. I have had something rattling around in my fuzzy head. Let me know what you think. A little while ago, June published a draft of a first chapter of Jasper Fforde’s book that, in the end, never got published. This chapter was entitled Miss Havisham. Did you read it? It’s on her blog.
Ok. As far as I can tell – as a Fforde newcomer – it seems he was writing about an MH long descended from the original old hag of Great Expectations. Like the 27th (!) Miss Havisham. (And I'm too afraid to ask her in case she hits me or something.)
And if so, is this the Havisham I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with? Am I an acquaintance of Miss Havisham 27? The one I know is certainly reminiscent Dickens’ ‘witch of the place’ but then she seems younger and not nearly as cogent as an old timer. And apparently the MH was an accomplished book jumper whereas my MH seemed as boggled as me that she’d managed to pull the bookjump off. In fact, her startled and downright irascible quirks have all the marks of a novice to me (Afterall, id this is the case, she’s had one teaser chapter in which to practise). Plus. I’ve been told that the MH died in a car crash. Didn’t she? Is this the 27th Havisham? What do you all think?
Also, having been discarded from First Among Sequels is that why no-one misses her?
I hate to admit it but I am starting to feel some affection for this petulant and downright annoying virago…
Have you thoughts on my thoughts?
Hello everyone.
I have been feeling odd. I have been sleeping badly and frequently. I’m not concentrating very well. When I do sleep, it seems punctured with nightmarish visions of skewed worlds, locked doors and indecipherable people who aren’t who they say they are. (Apparently there’s this disorder called Capgras syndrome – where people believe that their loved ones have been replaced by an imposter - you know, like they are them but they are not. Has anyone ever felt this? I don’t think I’ve got it but I am feeling odd.) Oh. Ok. I need to gather my thoughts.
I have been feeling odd. I have been sleeping badly and frequently. I’m not concentrating very well. When I do sleep, it seems punctured with nightmarish visions of skewed worlds, locked doors and indecipherable people who aren’t who they say they are. (Apparently there’s this disorder called Capgras syndrome – where people believe that their loved ones have been replaced by an imposter - you know, like they are them but they are not. Has anyone ever felt this? I don’t think I’ve got it but I am feeling odd.) Oh. Ok. I need to gather my thoughts.
Thursday, 28 June 2007
June knows where other Dupine books can be found!
Hello Amy,
Here is a list of where the Dupine books are, sorry I didn't email it to you before but I did not go into work yesterday as I was feeling under some weather. Perhaps it is because I have been through the wringer! (what is a wringer?)
june
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Information
Date: 26-Jun-2007 17:05
Subject: Dupine stockists
To: june.haversham@hodder.co.uk
Hi June
What a curious request. Dupine Classics were cheap as chips (look who wrote Wuthering Heights according to them!). I don't know for the life of me why we acquired them. I've been looking for where editions might still be stocked but the database keeps crashing, so I haven't got them all. I think there are a few more in bookshops and libraries up north. But in the meantime, here's what I could find. Apart from Foyle's, where there's quite a few, I think all the places only have one book each.
Best
Bob
Bath, Waterstone's
Birmingham, Waterstone's (New Street)
Bolton, Waterstone's
Cambridge, Border's
Canterbury, Waterstone's
Cheltenham, Waterstone's
Fareham, Waterstone's
High Wycombe, Waterstone's
Ipswich, Waterstone's
Leeds, The Idle Hour
London, Forbidden Planet (what a classic book is doing there, I don't know)
London, Foyle's
Nottingham, Waterstone's
Reading, Waterstone's (Broad Street)
Swindon, Waterstone's
Whitby, The Whitby Bookshop
Yeovil, Waterstone's
And some libraries.
Blackburn Library
Darwen Library
Neath Library
Redruth Library
St Ive's Library
Wokingham Library
Hello Amy,
Here is a list of where the Dupine books are, sorry I didn't email it to you before but I did not go into work yesterday as I was feeling under some weather. Perhaps it is because I have been through the wringer! (what is a wringer?)
june
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Information
Date: 26-Jun-2007 17:05
Subject: Dupine stockists
To: june.haversham@hodder.co.uk
Hi June
What a curious request. Dupine Classics were cheap as chips (look who wrote Wuthering Heights according to them!). I don't know for the life of me why we acquired them. I've been looking for where editions might still be stocked but the database keeps crashing, so I haven't got them all. I think there are a few more in bookshops and libraries up north. But in the meantime, here's what I could find. Apart from Foyle's, where there's quite a few, I think all the places only have one book each.
Best
Bob
Bath, Waterstone's
Birmingham, Waterstone's (New Street)
Bolton, Waterstone's
Cambridge, Border's
Canterbury, Waterstone's
Cheltenham, Waterstone's
Fareham, Waterstone's
High Wycombe, Waterstone's
Ipswich, Waterstone's
Leeds, The Idle Hour
London, Forbidden Planet (what a classic book is doing there, I don't know)
London, Foyle's
Nottingham, Waterstone's
Reading, Waterstone's (Broad Street)
Swindon, Waterstone's
Whitby, The Whitby Bookshop
Yeovil, Waterstone's
And some libraries.
Blackburn Library
Darwen Library
Neath Library
Redruth Library
St Ive's Library
Wokingham Library
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
Someone sent me an email a few days ago suggesting that the scribblers (the one that I'm entering for that competition) might be being used to construct a rival book or something by a 'Fake fforde'.
Now, I happened to mention it to you-know-who - just making conversation and all - and she has urgently insisted that she issue her own statement to you all. And so I (lucky me) am to be her amanuensis. And here it is.
In her own words:
Be careful. He is not... well. How could he be? If he were well he would never have abandoned me at the altar.
(Miss Havisham wishes to point out that she can write with a quill faster than i can 'tip tap'. She has also complained that the 'tip-tapping' is giving her a headache. In fact, now she has decided she will tip tap herself. Over to you MH)
Ythisishavishamspeaking
(Right. That took her 20 minutes. I'll just get on with it and if I type fast enough she won't be able to insist on me putting in more of her complaints.)
He was
(All right, I'm to say she doesn't complain - she instructs me in a helpful spirit)
He was always very… sensitive about his writing. I understand this. I too have been treated as a secondary character. Like all me he finds criticism hard. Impossible you might say. We do not wish to push him to extremes. He already has many books under his control. If angered, he could destroy them entirely.
He may also have help from others. He has some trouble in writing still, but in person... I can only say he is very persuasive.. and you do not know what
he may try and persuade you to do.
One thing: you tell me that one of our helpers feared he is using the scribblers for his book. This may be true, but the author retains control of unpublished writing. As long as everything between you is in writing, you should be safe. Do not agree to meet him. Do not use the hand-chatterer machine to speak with him. If he has your words it is possible that you may have some control over him. I need to think more on this.
I need to know what he is doing and what he is writing. There will be a clue somewhere.
But be careful. He may have help from inside. There are plenty of disgruntled characters if you know where to look. Do not speak secrets in front of open books.
If all else fails, as many of the authors of the unpublished scribblers must be in the place called Swindon on the seventh. That may be our only chance to stop him. If his book is published, it could spell the end for many.
Now, I happened to mention it to you-know-who - just making conversation and all - and she has urgently insisted that she issue her own statement to you all. And so I (lucky me) am to be her amanuensis. And here it is.
In her own words:
Be careful. He is not... well. How could he be? If he were well he would never have abandoned me at the altar.
(Miss Havisham wishes to point out that she can write with a quill faster than i can 'tip tap'. She has also complained that the 'tip-tapping' is giving her a headache. In fact, now she has decided she will tip tap herself. Over to you MH)
Ythisishavishamspeaking
(Right. That took her 20 minutes. I'll just get on with it and if I type fast enough she won't be able to insist on me putting in more of her complaints.)
He was
(All right, I'm to say she doesn't complain - she instructs me in a helpful spirit)
He was always very… sensitive about his writing. I understand this. I too have been treated as a secondary character. Like all me he finds criticism hard. Impossible you might say. We do not wish to push him to extremes. He already has many books under his control. If angered, he could destroy them entirely.
He may also have help from others. He has some trouble in writing still, but in person... I can only say he is very persuasive.. and you do not know what
he may try and persuade you to do.
One thing: you tell me that one of our helpers feared he is using the scribblers for his book. This may be true, but the author retains control of unpublished writing. As long as everything between you is in writing, you should be safe. Do not agree to meet him. Do not use the hand-chatterer machine to speak with him. If he has your words it is possible that you may have some control over him. I need to think more on this.
I need to know what he is doing and what he is writing. There will be a clue somewhere.
But be careful. He may have help from inside. There are plenty of disgruntled characters if you know where to look. Do not speak secrets in front of open books.
If all else fails, as many of the authors of the unpublished scribblers must be in the place called Swindon on the seventh. That may be our only chance to stop him. If his book is published, it could spell the end for many.
After much teasing, flattering and coercing of Grande Dame Havisham, she has decided to let me show you her lurrve letters from the errant groom to her during their courtship. I actually had to wrestle them from her stick-like grip, as she was staggering about in search of a match to torch the lot (she is still, to say the least, a little 'angry' with him). Still, I can sort of see why. He's certainly led her up the garden path with a clunky and smarmy charm. But he also has unacceptable sentence structure and I thought she, of all people, wouldn't have fallen for that - she is a real know-it-all, you see.
Anyway, it is a sensitive issue for her, and she doesn't want to be judged by us - she believed at the time that they had something special between them.... And here's how he did it:
Anyway, it is a sensitive issue for her, and she doesn't want to be judged by us - she believed at the time that they had something special between them.... And here's how he did it:
Ok, this is the reply I received from June Haversham:
Hello Amy,
What you say does sound very strange, but such strange things have been happening recently that perhaps I don't really know what normal is after all!
I have never met anyone called Miss Havisham even though my name is similar to Miss Havisham, what is she like? Is she the same as the Miss Havisham in the book Great Expectations?
Can you tell me more about the book you found - how was it blank? on the outside or the inside or both? this is very strange. I will read your blog, I also have a blog! it is called http://junehaversham.wordpress.com . Perhaps the strange things that have happened in your work are related to the strange things that have happened in my work, although so far I don't see how they could be other than they have happened at the same time.
In my work I have been emailing Jasper Fforde because I work in the publishing house where his books are published. Not long after I started my placement in the Publcity and Marketing Department, I received an email from Jasper saying that he had lost all his contacts by dropping his computer on a wall. I got everyone to email him so that he had their addresses again, but he still emailed me instead.
He asked me to stop the quiz going out on time so he could check the questions and then he added a new last question and the 'scribbler' tie breaker challenge. This made the quiz late and I got in big trouble. : (
I then found out that he had made the last question of the first rounds wrong! He had put the correct answer as being that the new book is called 'The Great Samuel Pepys Fiasco' when it is of course 'First Among Sequels'! It is easy to make a little error, but he should know the name of his own book, that is a really big error!
I started to get suspicious that the writing style in his emails was so very different to the writing style of his books so I asked some nice people for their opinion and some people said they thought he was an imposter this whole time!
Now he has asked me to help him find a range of his favourite books called Dupine books, but even though it is a very simple task I'm not sure I should help him at all in any way if he has been lying to me!
So those are the strange things that have been happening at my work.
oh, and my friend peter has stopped answering my emails, but that's not too strange because he is a Narcissus. > (
Does any of this sound similar or help you at all? I know some very nice helpful people I could ask them to help you too.
june
The books that I have seen in Foyles are all Dupine. Why would Jasper Fforde want to find these books? (And do you think June should be telling us all this about Jasper Fforde?! Tee hee, she seems a little stressed and doesn't really know what to reveal and what to sit on. Good for me though.) I have emailed back asking about the dupine series. Also, I was wondering if the person (I don't think it's wise to mention names on a blog, no?) who emailed me with thoughts of a fake Jasper Fforde to help me out a bit here, or if anyone else knows about it. That's something I'm not really sure I understand.
P.S I have been given a 'scribbler' for the competition: a first and last line that I have to link with 200 words - interesting!
Hello Amy,
What you say does sound very strange, but such strange things have been happening recently that perhaps I don't really know what normal is after all!
I have never met anyone called Miss Havisham even though my name is similar to Miss Havisham, what is she like? Is she the same as the Miss Havisham in the book Great Expectations?
Can you tell me more about the book you found - how was it blank? on the outside or the inside or both? this is very strange. I will read your blog, I also have a blog! it is called http://junehaversham.wordpress.com . Perhaps the strange things that have happened in your work are related to the strange things that have happened in my work, although so far I don't see how they could be other than they have happened at the same time.
In my work I have been emailing Jasper Fforde because I work in the publishing house where his books are published. Not long after I started my placement in the Publcity and Marketing Department, I received an email from Jasper saying that he had lost all his contacts by dropping his computer on a wall. I got everyone to email him so that he had their addresses again, but he still emailed me instead.
He asked me to stop the quiz going out on time so he could check the questions and then he added a new last question and the 'scribbler' tie breaker challenge. This made the quiz late and I got in big trouble. : (
I then found out that he had made the last question of the first rounds wrong! He had put the correct answer as being that the new book is called 'The Great Samuel Pepys Fiasco' when it is of course 'First Among Sequels'! It is easy to make a little error, but he should know the name of his own book, that is a really big error!
I started to get suspicious that the writing style in his emails was so very different to the writing style of his books so I asked some nice people for their opinion and some people said they thought he was an imposter this whole time!
Now he has asked me to help him find a range of his favourite books called Dupine books, but even though it is a very simple task I'm not sure I should help him at all in any way if he has been lying to me!
So those are the strange things that have been happening at my work.
oh, and my friend peter has stopped answering my emails, but that's not too strange because he is a Narcissus. > (
Does any of this sound similar or help you at all? I know some very nice helpful people I could ask them to help you too.
june
The books that I have seen in Foyles are all Dupine. Why would Jasper Fforde want to find these books? (And do you think June should be telling us all this about Jasper Fforde?! Tee hee, she seems a little stressed and doesn't really know what to reveal and what to sit on. Good for me though.) I have emailed back asking about the dupine series. Also, I was wondering if the person (I don't think it's wise to mention names on a blog, no?) who emailed me with thoughts of a fake Jasper Fforde to help me out a bit here, or if anyone else knows about it. That's something I'm not really sure I understand.
P.S I have been given a 'scribbler' for the competition: a first and last line that I have to link with 200 words - interesting!
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
Also, on the strength of various people mentioning Jasper Fforde to me, I thought is time to follow up that one. And, on a suggestion, have looked at http://www.jasperffordecompetition.com that someone came upon a couple of weeks ago. So. I kind of bit the bullet(does anyone know where that phrase comes from? a peculiar phrase. I digress) and entered, well, I say entered, I got this reply from a June Haversham - I know, a verisimiliar nomenclature! and this is it:
Hello Amy,
It has been pointed out to me by my boss that the last question on the first part of the quiz has the wrong answer let you win instead of the right answer. She said lots of people have emailed to say that it isn't right that they have to give a wrong answer to win. I'm very confused that the answer is wrong in the quiz. Of course the book is called First among sequels! Did you email in? If you did, don't worry, you don't lose any points if you gave the right answer before the wrong one.
That last question and the scribbler tie-breaker were two of the things that Mr. Fforde had us put in at the last moment, so I am very surprised that the question was wrong, because he checked them himself.
Oh dear, this is all going a bit wrong, this is my first job and I'm starting to get the impression I'm not expected to last long here. I've never worked in a publishing house office before, it's all a bit overwhelming. Have you ever worked in an office? can you give me any advice on how to not get 'the boot'?
june
To be honest - I wouldn't really have a clue anyway. (And June sounds a bit stressed! ) Still, I have replied with details about the books and MH - she will probably think I'm a kook but eh.
In the meantime, we need to close in on those books.
(Thanks to everyone who's emailed me - it has been a great help and nice to know that I'm not doing this all alone!)
Hello Amy,
It has been pointed out to me by my boss that the last question on the first part of the quiz has the wrong answer let you win instead of the right answer. She said lots of people have emailed to say that it isn't right that they have to give a wrong answer to win. I'm very confused that the answer is wrong in the quiz. Of course the book is called First among sequels! Did you email in? If you did, don't worry, you don't lose any points if you gave the right answer before the wrong one.
That last question and the scribbler tie-breaker were two of the things that Mr. Fforde had us put in at the last moment, so I am very surprised that the question was wrong, because he checked them himself.
Oh dear, this is all going a bit wrong, this is my first job and I'm starting to get the impression I'm not expected to last long here. I've never worked in a publishing house office before, it's all a bit overwhelming. Have you ever worked in an office? can you give me any advice on how to not get 'the boot'?
june
To be honest - I wouldn't really have a clue anyway. (And June sounds a bit stressed! ) Still, I have replied with details about the books and MH - she will probably think I'm a kook but eh.
In the meantime, we need to close in on those books.
(Thanks to everyone who's emailed me - it has been a great help and nice to know that I'm not doing this all alone!)
Ok. So. The summary.
- I witnessed the appearance of a bride and groom on the bookshop floor of Foyles and also the bride singing an aria on the steps of St Pauls. She had apparently been jilted at the altar.
- I sent out a series of leaflet and email scatter-bombs in an attempt to contact the pair. Many people offered to help but to no seeming avail. We were all in the dark.
- I find a virtually blank copy of Wuthering Heights in Foyles.
- I manage to contact the bride – the crumbly Miss Havisham of Great Expectations - through a series of letter drops in copies of the book.
- I meet Miss Havisham (and embarrass myself on a video interview) – link below.
- Miss Havisham believes that a thief is stripping down books for sinister motives. She declares some books to be most at risk – those which title she can’t remember. A series of clues are issued.
- And - with the help of some pro-active and savvy thinkers - this is what is thought to be missing:
1) Wuthering Heights (Emily Brontë)
2) Wind in the Willows (Kenneth Grahame)
3 ) Pride and prejudice (Jane Austen)
4 ) Modern Promethus as Frankenstein - (Mary Shelley)
5 ) The Raven ( Edgar Allan Poe)
6 ) I think Great Epectations, (Charles Dickens)
7 ) The picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)
8 ) Gullivers travels (Jonathan Swift)
9 ) Three men in a boat (aka To Say Nothing of the Dog apparently) by Jerome K. Jerome
10 ) Tristram Shandy by Laurence Sterne
11 ) The Man Who Was Thursday: A Nightmare is a novel by G. K. Chesterton
12 ) Alice in Wonderland (Lewis Carroll)
- The first three have been found mis-shelved in Foyles. They are part of an unknown Dupine series.
- We need to find where they all are.
- I witnessed the appearance of a bride and groom on the bookshop floor of Foyles and also the bride singing an aria on the steps of St Pauls. She had apparently been jilted at the altar.
- I sent out a series of leaflet and email scatter-bombs in an attempt to contact the pair. Many people offered to help but to no seeming avail. We were all in the dark.
- I find a virtually blank copy of Wuthering Heights in Foyles.
- I manage to contact the bride – the crumbly Miss Havisham of Great Expectations - through a series of letter drops in copies of the book.
- I meet Miss Havisham (and embarrass myself on a video interview) – link below.
- Miss Havisham believes that a thief is stripping down books for sinister motives. She declares some books to be most at risk – those which title she can’t remember. A series of clues are issued.
- And - with the help of some pro-active and savvy thinkers - this is what is thought to be missing:
1) Wuthering Heights (Emily Brontë)
2) Wind in the Willows (Kenneth Grahame)
3 ) Pride and prejudice (Jane Austen)
4 ) Modern Promethus as Frankenstein - (Mary Shelley)
5 ) The Raven ( Edgar Allan Poe)
6 ) I think Great Epectations, (Charles Dickens)
7 ) The picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)
8 ) Gullivers travels (Jonathan Swift)
9 ) Three men in a boat (aka To Say Nothing of the Dog apparently) by Jerome K. Jerome
10 ) Tristram Shandy by Laurence Sterne
11 ) The Man Who Was Thursday: A Nightmare is a novel by G. K. Chesterton
12 ) Alice in Wonderland (Lewis Carroll)
- The first three have been found mis-shelved in Foyles. They are part of an unknown Dupine series.
- We need to find where they all are.
Monday, 25 June 2007
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Doesn't matter, I think it is more important that you see this now.
The preface:
I received a note from Havisham to meet her today at St Olave's (a funny little medival church that survived the Great Fire of London.) Anyway, she seemed to think that the groom had mentioned it as being a place of inspiration for him - but she wasn't sure. A hunch to follow nonetheless.
Anyway - low and behold! - I met the eccentric and surly Havisham.
Follow the youtube link below to see for yourself.
NB. It was no small task convincing a woman of 19th Century fiction to talk to a camera - I did my best. And a shower forced us inside the church for the tail end of the footage - she didn't want the veil to get wet. As you will see, she needs our help. Please contact me if you think you can. (P.S I don't sound like that in real life, I think I sound really weird on that clip.)
Video
CLICK ON 'VIDEO'
The preface:
I received a note from Havisham to meet her today at St Olave's (a funny little medival church that survived the Great Fire of London.) Anyway, she seemed to think that the groom had mentioned it as being a place of inspiration for him - but she wasn't sure. A hunch to follow nonetheless.
Anyway - low and behold! - I met the eccentric and surly Havisham.
Follow the youtube link below to see for yourself.
NB. It was no small task convincing a woman of 19th Century fiction to talk to a camera - I did my best. And a shower forced us inside the church for the tail end of the footage - she didn't want the veil to get wet. As you will see, she needs our help. Please contact me if you think you can. (P.S I don't sound like that in real life, I think I sound really weird on that clip.)
Video
CLICK ON 'VIDEO'
Saturday, 23 June 2007
Thursday, 21 June 2007
Another peculiar book has appeared.
Today I found a copy of Wind in the Willows sitting in the crime section: I'm going to leave it there. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for any mysterious searchers/contributors. If you see it, PLEASE PUT IT BACK, it may be my only chance to figure out where they are coming from.
(I don't know where the Bronte book has gone but I've a hunch it's still loitering somewhere. If you find anything out of the ordinary, please leave it as found - and email me. I don't want to scupper any chances.)
And you know that lead I had? When I find a scanner you will see for yourselves that I was barking up a seemingly lifeless tree... but it's bearing fruit...
Today I found a copy of Wind in the Willows sitting in the crime section: I'm going to leave it there. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for any mysterious searchers/contributors. If you see it, PLEASE PUT IT BACK, it may be my only chance to figure out where they are coming from.
(I don't know where the Bronte book has gone but I've a hunch it's still loitering somewhere. If you find anything out of the ordinary, please leave it as found - and email me. I don't want to scupper any chances.)
And you know that lead I had? When I find a scanner you will see for yourselves that I was barking up a seemingly lifeless tree... but it's bearing fruit...
Tuesday, 19 June 2007
Right everyone. Apologies for my online absense - I didn't really feel like I was making any progress.... until a few days ago.... And I've since been very distracted. And I think, with a kind of tremulous excitement, that I might have found something. I have been all over literary London - the British museum, Doughtey Street, the London Library, the British Library, the Sherlock Holmes museum, you get the idea - and I just hope my peregrinations have been worth it. If not, I'll be quite embarrassed. And back to square one. Now I just have to wait and see.
Thanks to all those who have been in touch. And if my half-baked unlikely theory has some substance, then I'll let you know...
Thanks to all those who have been in touch. And if my half-baked unlikely theory has some substance, then I'll let you know...
Monday, 11 June 2007
A strange occurance.
Today at work I came across an unauthorised copy of Wuthering Heights tucked in and squashed among the Brontes. It is an austerely plain paperback - title and author are the only things to animate the cover. What is most puzzling, however, is that most of the text is missing. In fact, I think even I (were it not for the title) would have trouble identifying the book from the fat that's left on the bone - there is no mention of Heathcliff, Catherine, Cathy, Lockwood, Nelly Dean, Hareton, Edgar or Hindley anywhere. But checked against one of our copies, the skimable bits remain.
Should I be concerned?
I've left it hidden in the Brontes so that you can see for yourselves - or to see if anyone comes to collect it. (Please do not take it to the counter - my boss will remove it. In fact, if you do come to see it, please put it back.)
My slightly tempered excitement is that.... this must surely be relevant to the wandering bride and groom. I don't want to jump to conclusions but surely these are not isolated oddities?
Finally, do I have a lead?
Today at work I came across an unauthorised copy of Wuthering Heights tucked in and squashed among the Brontes. It is an austerely plain paperback - title and author are the only things to animate the cover. What is most puzzling, however, is that most of the text is missing. In fact, I think even I (were it not for the title) would have trouble identifying the book from the fat that's left on the bone - there is no mention of Heathcliff, Catherine, Cathy, Lockwood, Nelly Dean, Hareton, Edgar or Hindley anywhere. But checked against one of our copies, the skimable bits remain.
Should I be concerned?
I've left it hidden in the Brontes so that you can see for yourselves - or to see if anyone comes to collect it. (Please do not take it to the counter - my boss will remove it. In fact, if you do come to see it, please put it back.)
My slightly tempered excitement is that.... this must surely be relevant to the wandering bride and groom. I don't want to jump to conclusions but surely these are not isolated oddities?
Finally, do I have a lead?
Sunday, 10 June 2007
The time for action is nigh. The avenues of enquiry are expanding. Feelers are flying out to find the elusive bride and her errant groom.
If you see below, I've attached the flyer that will be circulating the internet, libraries, cafes and bookshops.
Yeah yeah, I know - sketches. But you get the gist - the pair of them really are in possession of an alluringly peculiar demeanor. (I do actually think I've captured an essence that's not a far cry from the real deal.)
Please can you forward to anyone you know.
Thanks,
Amy
If you see below, I've attached the flyer that will be circulating the internet, libraries, cafes and bookshops.
Yeah yeah, I know - sketches. But you get the gist - the pair of them really are in possession of an alluringly peculiar demeanor. (I do actually think I've captured an essence that's not a far cry from the real deal.)
Please can you forward to anyone you know.
Thanks,
Amy
Friday, 8 June 2007
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
Tuesday, 5 June 2007
Monday, 4 June 2007
Sunday, 3 June 2007
Rational arguments for:
Her dress touched me as she ran out of the shop.
They ran out of the shop and got on a bus.
The Bride spoke to the verger - I am not the only person who has witnessed this. (And I don't think that a verger would lie.)
I have recorded the events on my phone and anyone can see for themselves. (Link to follow.)
Rational arguments against:
No reported sightings.
No-one has contacted me even though, as seen in my film footage, many other people should have had seen them.
I don't know how they got into the bookshop. It was very bizarre.
Her dress touched me as she ran out of the shop.
They ran out of the shop and got on a bus.
The Bride spoke to the verger - I am not the only person who has witnessed this. (And I don't think that a verger would lie.)
I have recorded the events on my phone and anyone can see for themselves. (Link to follow.)
Rational arguments against:
No reported sightings.
No-one has contacted me even though, as seen in my film footage, many other people should have had seen them.
I don't know how they got into the bookshop. It was very bizarre.
Good old wikipedia. I'm 98% certain it was Dido's Lament by Purcell.
It goes:
When I am laid, am laid in earth, May my wrongs create
No trouble, no trouble in thy breast;(x2)
Remember me, but ah! forget my fate,(x2)
Remember me, remember me, but ah! forget my fate.(x2)
Can anyone confirm I'm right? Perhaps I'll check with the verger, the verger will know.
I'm now worried she is going to commit suicide. (If she is alive that is) And now I really won't be able to get to sleep.
Thank God I've not got work tomorrow.
It goes:
When I am laid, am laid in earth, May my wrongs create
No trouble, no trouble in thy breast;(x2)
Remember me, but ah! forget my fate,(x2)
Remember me, remember me, but ah! forget my fate.(x2)
Can anyone confirm I'm right? Perhaps I'll check with the verger, the verger will know.
I'm now worried she is going to commit suicide. (If she is alive that is) And now I really won't be able to get to sleep.
Thank God I've not got work tomorrow.
I can’t get to sleep. And you know why? Because I can’t get that song she was singing out of my head - well, no doubt some hackneyed, bowdlerised version of her song – I don’t know how it goes but I think it goes something something ‘trouble….remember me’ and ‘forget my fate’. It’s beginning to drive me round the proverbial. It is an operatic tune I think. Perhaps it was originally written in another language. Does anyone recognise it?
Saturday, 2 June 2007
Dear Friends and Strangers,
I thought perhaps a description of the bride and groom might help to trigger memory. They are a very distinctive pair.
Bride: About 40. Darkish hair. She was wearing a long bridal veil dependent from her hair, or rather it looked like it was supposed to be white but had faded – it was old and tatty and had lost its lustre. Also, most noticeably she looked like she hadn’t really finished dressing – her dress looked incomplete and was a poor fit. She was only wearing one shoe. And she has a piercing stare. She has bright albeit sunken eyes – if you’ve looked her in the eye you will know who I’m talking about. There is something familiar about her. And she was incredibly pale compared to him, utterly drained of colour. I think she is lost and unhappy.
Groom: Ok, I’d know him if I saw him. but I can’t remember him nearly as well as her - probably because the only time I saw him I was in shock. He was wearing a shirt and shorts – not smart enough for a wedding. That’s all I can remember. And I suspect he is a rogue.
I thought perhaps a description of the bride and groom might help to trigger memory. They are a very distinctive pair.
Bride: About 40. Darkish hair. She was wearing a long bridal veil dependent from her hair, or rather it looked like it was supposed to be white but had faded – it was old and tatty and had lost its lustre. Also, most noticeably she looked like she hadn’t really finished dressing – her dress looked incomplete and was a poor fit. She was only wearing one shoe. And she has a piercing stare. She has bright albeit sunken eyes – if you’ve looked her in the eye you will know who I’m talking about. There is something familiar about her. And she was incredibly pale compared to him, utterly drained of colour. I think she is lost and unhappy.
Groom: Ok, I’d know him if I saw him. but I can’t remember him nearly as well as her - probably because the only time I saw him I was in shock. He was wearing a shirt and shorts – not smart enough for a wedding. That’s all I can remember. And I suspect he is a rogue.
Right. I have just read over my late night rambles. I want to apologise for the over-used exclamation marks. I must have been possessed by some grammar devil. I swear it’s not something I usually do – I’m not an excitable girly girl but I was very tired and confused about all of this. So try not to let it undermine the authenticity of what has happened. Also, I clearly failed to post a cogent message. It is was a mess. I am still tired. But
To Summarise:
If anyone saw a scruffy bride and groom on Friday 1 June in Foyles on Charing Cross Road or on a bus from Charing Cross Road to St Paul’s Cathedral or at St Paul’s, I would really appreciate it if you would get in touch via the email above. Thank you very much.
(Or in fact, if you have any information you think might be relevant, please pass it on.)
P.S
My boss has given me two warnings, one for leaving in the middle of my shift and the second for being an hour late today. I tried to explain the circumstances and even suggested I prove it to him with our CCTV footage but he told me to stop making up stories. For the record, I am not making this up. I’ve never liked him very much.
P.P.S I think my boss is an idiot.
To Summarise:
If anyone saw a scruffy bride and groom on Friday 1 June in Foyles on Charing Cross Road or on a bus from Charing Cross Road to St Paul’s Cathedral or at St Paul’s, I would really appreciate it if you would get in touch via the email above. Thank you very much.
(Or in fact, if you have any information you think might be relevant, please pass it on.)
P.S
My boss has given me two warnings, one for leaving in the middle of my shift and the second for being an hour late today. I tried to explain the circumstances and even suggested I prove it to him with our CCTV footage but he told me to stop making up stories. For the record, I am not making this up. I’ve never liked him very much.
P.P.S I think my boss is an idiot.
So can anyone who was at the Cathedral at that time or anyone who saw her please get in touch with me – the smallest piece of information could be very helpful. When I figure out how to post my phone film please see if you recognise anyone in the film and please give them my email address – should be top of the page!
Also, just so you know, I was not the only one who saw her. She spoke to the verger! She can talk. I am not going mad. Ask yourself.
Apparently the verger had been concerned about the noise the bride was making and asked her if she was ok. The bride told the verger that her lover had left her. When asked what his name was, she couldn’t remember. Apparently she doesn’t even know her own name. Curious. Is it not?
Apparently the verger had been concerned about the noise the bride was making and asked her if she was ok. The bride told the verger that her lover had left her. When asked what his name was, she couldn’t remember. Apparently she doesn’t even know her own name. Curious. Is it not?
So just to fill you in a little….
1. The incident in Foyles.
It occurred at about 11am. The shop floor was quiet before the lunch rush hour. I was checking the F and E sections on the Classics floor when a book came off the shelf. And, it wasn’t like the book fell, it actually seemed to leap off, but anyway. And as I went to pick it up, a man and woman dressed as bride and groom (albeit rather scruffily) materialised out of the ether. (And no, I wasn’t hallucinating, I hadn’t been drinking, I’ve never taken drugs, I’m not crazy, I’d had a good night’s sleep and I am very cynical when people claim to have seen ghosts, monsters and guardian angels etc.) But this tatty bride and groom did literally appear out of nowhere. Honestly. Just like that. And they seemed as alarmed as me to be standing there face to face. When I asked them how they had got there, they made a break for the door. (I caught the tail-end of their exit on my phone for those of you who - like I might have not had I not seen it myself - don’t believe me. Does anyone know how to put phone video messages on this blog? Is it possible?)
They then ran out and jumped on a bus going East. And I’m going to be in deep sh*t tomorrow with my boss because…. so did I!!!!! (I needed to know I wasn’t going crazy you see) I had lost sight of them but I watched the streets like a hawk. And, low and behold, the bride was upon the steps of St Paul’s Cathedral.
2. The St Paul’s incident.
She was pacing the steps crying and singing opera! (The words went something like ‘trouble…. Remember me…. Forget fate’ something like that – does that ring any bells?) There was no sign of the groom! And I caught that on my phone too!
Does anyone know how to put my video on the internet? I have a Sony Ericsson W810i. That would make things easier
If any of you saw these two people, please get in touch.
1. The incident in Foyles.
It occurred at about 11am. The shop floor was quiet before the lunch rush hour. I was checking the F and E sections on the Classics floor when a book came off the shelf. And, it wasn’t like the book fell, it actually seemed to leap off, but anyway. And as I went to pick it up, a man and woman dressed as bride and groom (albeit rather scruffily) materialised out of the ether. (And no, I wasn’t hallucinating, I hadn’t been drinking, I’ve never taken drugs, I’m not crazy, I’d had a good night’s sleep and I am very cynical when people claim to have seen ghosts, monsters and guardian angels etc.) But this tatty bride and groom did literally appear out of nowhere. Honestly. Just like that. And they seemed as alarmed as me to be standing there face to face. When I asked them how they had got there, they made a break for the door. (I caught the tail-end of their exit on my phone for those of you who - like I might have not had I not seen it myself - don’t believe me. Does anyone know how to put phone video messages on this blog? Is it possible?)
They then ran out and jumped on a bus going East. And I’m going to be in deep sh*t tomorrow with my boss because…. so did I!!!!! (I needed to know I wasn’t going crazy you see) I had lost sight of them but I watched the streets like a hawk. And, low and behold, the bride was upon the steps of St Paul’s Cathedral.
2. The St Paul’s incident.
She was pacing the steps crying and singing opera! (The words went something like ‘trouble…. Remember me…. Forget fate’ something like that – does that ring any bells?) There was no sign of the groom! And I caught that on my phone too!
Does anyone know how to put my video on the internet? I have a Sony Ericsson W810i. That would make things easier
If any of you saw these two people, please get in touch.
Doesn’t matter.
The reason for me writing this is that I am looking for witnesses.
If you were at the following places at the following times, I would like to talk to you:
1. Place: Foyles, Charing Cross Road. Classic books section (1st Floor)
Date: Friday 1 June 2007 (today)
Time: 11 am (ish)
2. Place: St Paul’s Cathedral*
Date: Friday 1 June 2007 (today)
Time: 1pm (ish)
*Please note, not to be confused with St Paul’s Church on Covent Garden Piazza where the street performers perform. I mean the Cathedral near Liverpool Street (massive dome/whispering gallery and designed by Sir Christopher Wren). Just in case!
I have attached map links for both of them, please let me know if they don’t work.
http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=529838&y=181184&z=0&sv=WC2H+0EB&st=2&pc=WC2H+0EB&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srfhttp://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=532008&y=181196&z=0&sv=EC4M+8AD&st=2&pc=EC4M+8AD&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srf
If you were there – PLEASE CONTACT ME on the above email address. Thank you.
The reason for me writing this is that I am looking for witnesses.
If you were at the following places at the following times, I would like to talk to you:
1. Place: Foyles, Charing Cross Road. Classic books section (1st Floor)
Date: Friday 1 June 2007 (today)
Time: 11 am (ish)
2. Place: St Paul’s Cathedral*
Date: Friday 1 June 2007 (today)
Time: 1pm (ish)
*Please note, not to be confused with St Paul’s Church on Covent Garden Piazza where the street performers perform. I mean the Cathedral near Liverpool Street (massive dome/whispering gallery and designed by Sir Christopher Wren). Just in case!
I have attached map links for both of them, please let me know if they don’t work.
http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=529838&y=181184&z=0&sv=WC2H+0EB&st=2&pc=WC2H+0EB&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srfhttp://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=532008&y=181196&z=0&sv=EC4M+8AD&st=2&pc=EC4M+8AD&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srf
If you were there – PLEASE CONTACT ME on the above email address. Thank you.
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