After much teasing, flattering and coercing of Grande Dame Havisham, she has decided to let me show you her lurrve letters from the errant groom to her during their courtship. I actually had to wrestle them from her stick-like grip, as she was staggering about in search of a match to torch the lot (she is still, to say the least, a little 'angry' with him). Still, I can sort of see why. He's certainly led her up the garden path with a clunky and smarmy charm. But he also has unacceptable sentence structure and I thought she, of all people, wouldn't have fallen for that - she is a real know-it-all, you see.

Anyway, it is a sensitive issue for her, and she doesn't want to be judged by us - she believed at the time that they had something special between them.... And here's how he did it: